I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
