Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
