tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
