My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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