So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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