Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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