just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
