they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
