i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
