I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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