Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
