Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
