He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
