I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
