I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
