I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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