I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
