Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
