brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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