We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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