i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
