Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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