By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
