come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
