hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
