she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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