Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
