community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
