yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
