nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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