ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Houston, we have a blender
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
