I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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