I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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