sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
