you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
