drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
