I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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