im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
