my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
