Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
