Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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