I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
