I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
