I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
