i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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