I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i out mim tonsoeep
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