Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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