The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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