i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
