Who wears a wallet chain?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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