I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
