I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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