my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
